2013 Summer Reading List

Well, its that time again!  I'll be checking out for a month or so to finish up the final edits on my new book, and take some vacation time, which means its time for my annual summer reading recommendations.

"What are you reading?"  I've been hearing that question since I started out in ministry more than 20 years ago.  At first, it came from older, wiser and seasoned pastors who asked the question as a way of providing guidance to a young man just finding his way around a pulpit.  Years later, I still get this question--now from ministry colleagues as an avenue of inquiry and accountability.

What scares me is that now, after a couple of decades, people tend to take my answers seriously!  Whether I am old enough or wise enough to justify this sort of response I can't tell, but regardless, I'm always happy to recommend what I believe to be good (and also not-so-good, but necessary) reading to those who lead our churches.

The list below is quite diverse and as always, recommendation does not equal endorsement of everything contained therein, but if a pastor or church leader were to ask me for five books he/she should read over the summer, below are my recommendations for 2013:

1. Aubrey Malphurs, Look Before You Lead: How to Discern and Shape Your Church Culture  I'm convinced that many pastors fail to lead well--and some simply fail outright--because they don't understand the organizational culture of their church.  My only critique of this book is that for many leaders, it simply comes too late.  Had Malphurs written this book decades ago he might have saved a number of pastors the heartache of termination caused ultimately by misunderstanding.

But this book is more than simply a manual on how NOT to get fired.  Its a clear guide that helps pastoral leaders see beyond mere strategy, which ultimately is ineffective if not in sync with the culture of an organization, and churches are no different from any other organization in this regard (It was Peter Drucker who once said "Culture eats strategy for lunch!")  Malphurs clearly defines organizational culture by breaking it down  and defining its parts (behaviors, values, beliefs), and then applying this schematic to the church in a way that allows pastors and other church leaders to truly know their congregations, and thus, to know how best to lead them where they need to go.   I will be recommending this book to all incoming pastors in my Association.

2. Rachel Held Evans, A Year of Biblical Womanhood..  Evans has developed a reputation among Evangelicals as something of a gadfly, and her contrarian approach to issues is most clearly seen in this work.  All who hold to a Complementarian view of gender roles will strongly disagree with many of her conclusions, and a few will unfortunately allow their disagreement to fuel a hatred for the author.  I don't recommend this book because I agree with it.  I recommend it because, whether or not she intends it, Rachel Held Evans has provided pastors with a simulation exercise in approaching issues like this in a pastoral way.

Evans gets some things very right in this book.  Though she spends most of her time appealing to the worst expressions of "male headship," those expressions exist, and such chauvinism is still very present in many of our churches.  Pastors should stand with her against the propensity of many men to strictly define headship and "Biblical womanhood" against the backdrop of 1950s American culture.  Its just unfortunate that instead of turning to Scripture for an alternative, Evans appeals to her own strict definition as understood through the lens of 21st century feminism.

Yes, the book is at times careless, and the hermaneutical sloppiness it contains would never make it past week three of a freshman Bible college course. [There are plenty of genuine egalitarian scholars out there who approach these issues more substantively.  If you are looking for precision and carefully defined terms, Evans isn't your gal.)    But I recommend it to pastors for this reason:  Evans represents well what so many young women in our churches are thinking.  Additionally, the abusive expressions of manhood that so many women have experienced in our culture  creates a visceral and understandable reaction when the subject of male headship is raised.  I came away from this book with a much greater understanding of what is going on inside the heads of so many women, and why so many of them have a chip on their shoulder when it comes to the church.  Rachel Held Evans has helped me become a better complementarian, and I'd like to think she has also helped me become a better pastor.  I'm pretty sure that wasn't her goal, but I'm thankful for the insight, and I'm happy to commend it to others.

3. Eric Mason, Manhood Restored: How the Gospel Makes Men Whole.  I searched for the link to this one on Amazon just after the last one, and it almost set my laptop on fire!

I've followed Eric Mason's ministry for several years now, and I'm so thankful for the influence he is having on the city of Philadelphia.  Those who rightly eschew 1950s style "male headship" shouldn't turn to 21st century feminism for the answer.  They should turn to Jesus, and Mason's book will help them do it.  Mason's thesis is simple: In Jesus Christ we have the only living, breathing example of perfected manhood.  If you want to know how a man should think, what a man should do, and/or how the essence of manhood is defined, don't look to Ward Cleaver or Tom Leykis.  Look at Jesus.  When you do, you discover that the essence of being a man is to take responsibility for yourself, and for those around you

Even in the church, men tend to vacillate between the wimp and the barbarian.  Mason's book is a great antidote that pushes men back toward the Gospel, and encourages them toward faithful leadership of their homes and churches.  Though at times the book is overly-verbose (well, he is a preacher after all!), I find that as a man I sometimes need said repetition in order to drill redeemed ways of thinking and living into my thick head, and I'm guessing most other men need this too because, well, we are guys!

4. James D. Bratt, Abraham Kuyper: Modern Calvinist, Christian Democrat.  Anyone who reads this blog regularly already knows that Kuyper has heavily influenced my thinking relative to cultural engagement and world change by Christians.  Now James Bratt--the preeminent Kuyper historian, has assembled a thorough and comprehensive biography of his life that I honestly didn't think was possible.  Abraham Kuper lived in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.  He was a Dutch Reformed pastor, newspaper editor, member of Dutch Parliament, and also served as Prime Minister of the Netherlands.  The influence of his thought on Dutch governance, education, and principled pluralism continues to impact that part of Europe to this day in profound ways.

 Bratt also describes how Kuyper's teachings on "sphere sovereignty" affected nearly every area of Dutch life.  Pastors who read this biography will read about a real-world and historically recent example of how theology should interact with and affect all societal domains, from education to health care to agriculture to transportation to science and technology to politics and governance.  Most pastors in my area have people sitting under their preaching every week who work in all of these areas, and through Kuyper's example pastors can learn how to equip and unleash the whole church to change the world in the way Jesus intended.

5. Andy Stanley, Deep and Wide:  Creating Churches Unchurched People Love to Attend.  Andy Stanley is proof of the fact that, even within Christendom, people tend to hate what they don't understand.  From his innovative and (some would say) questionable methodology, to his outright refusal to enter into public debate with other Christians about his ministry, Stanley has certainly established himself as a sufficiently hated man.  And from where I stand, that would seem to put him in good company.

To be sure, I wouldn't do some of the things Stanley does, but this book helped me understand why he does what he does.  It also helped me understand that there are some things I should be doing that I'm not.  I understand that some will be turned off by the silent premise of the book--namely, that the church gathered on Sunday should primarily be about being "attractional."  I think its a valid point.  At the same time, Stanley is capable of something few pastors seem to be able to pull off:  hitting his target, and focusing relentlessly on that target.

If you are like me, and appreciate Andy Stanley's ministry, but have also had questions about why he does some of the things he does, this book will clear up much for you, and you will also learn quite a bit along the way.  Not every church is supposed to be exactly like Northpoint.  But if more would take Northpoint's lead by focusing more intentionally on non-Christians, we might actually be able to make the kind of cultural impact that Jesus expects of us.

Also available soon, my newest book, Speakiing from a Firm Foundation, will release in early fall.  In the mean time, you can also pick up Planting Churches in the Real World, and/or Side-Stepping Landmines and add these to your list for the summer!

Orphan Justice: A Guest Blog

Today, you have the privilege of hearing from my best friend in the world!  Almost 19 years ago, God allowed me to marry a beautiful, smart, fun, insightful, and godly woman, whose only handicaps (as evidenced by who she married) are blindness and bad character judgment.  :)

Most of my readers are aware that we are both an adoptive and multi-ethnic family.  While it is my great delight to play the role of "dad" to this bunch, many of the details of family life are handled by their mother.   These details included the tedious task of navigating local and state governments, two national governments and an adoption agency in order for she and I to bring our daughter home almost 3 years ago.  But they also include continued advocacy for orphans worldwide.  Today, my wife Amy recommends a recent book for anyone genuinely interested in the global orphan crisis, and what can be done about it.  My wife's wisdom comes largely from being a constant learner.  She learned much from Johnny Carr's new book, and wants others to learn from it as well, so that together we can live out the James 1:27 mandate to the glory of God. Enjoy!

Orphan justice involves more than playing an adoption-focused video in our churches on the first Sunday in November. I knew that.

I've been in orphanages in Central America. I have advocated for teens who are months away from aging out of a broken system. I regularly spearhead fundraising events for adoptive families. I make an effort to buy goods that are produced by companies with an upstanding record of global responsibility. I have begun to raise awareness about the slavery that goes on in our neighborhoods and around the world. In 2010, Joel and I traveled to the other side of the planet to bring a special needs child into my family. I thought I understood the global orphan crisis. However, I've learned that orphan justice is much more complex than I'd ever imagined.

"Developing a holistic model for orphan care forces us to dive into every aspect of an orphan's struggle, even when it's uncomfortable. The fact is that very few orphans around the world have only to deal with the emotional consequences of losing one or both parents...In the twenty-first century American church, we have wrongly dismissed many of these issues, and for that we need to repent. On other fronts we have been silent, and we must now become a voice." (pgs. 18-19)

Johnny Carr handles this issue with transparency and grace. I appreciate the way that he expresses his own journey into the adoption community and orphan care. He addresses multiple areas of crisis including human trafficking, poverty, HIV/AIDS, the orphanage and foster care systems, abortion and racism. At the end of each chapter he provides tangible ways that individuals and/or groups can become a part of the solution to these problems. 

The final paragraphs of each chapter begin with "ANYONE can...MANY can...A FEW can..." As I read these words, I found myself compelled to be one of the few.

153 million. That is the number of children in this world who have lost one or both parents. Many are slaves. Many are victims of poverty. Many are living on the street. Many will not live to see their next birthday. By then, more precious image-bearers of God will have taken their place. I once thought the solution was adoption. For some of these children, it is the perfect solution. I will continue to advocate for adoption until my final breath. However, more should and can be done. I am grateful to Mr. Carr for opening my eyes.

"Friends, this is war. Satan's great scheme is to destroy the family, and he seems to be doing a pretty good job of it. We must fight back in this spiritual battle." (pg. 185)


Want to help Satan in his cause? Do nothing.

You can pick up a copy of Johnny Carr's book here. 

Why Complete Religious Freedom is Essential to our Future

In a few hours, I'll be checking out of the office and spending the month of May trying to finish two new books for publication in the fall.  Among other things, this means I won't be posting very often here until June.  But before I leave, I wanted to write a bit about an issue that I've been thinking deeply about lately:  religious freedom.

Last Thursday, I spent a wonderful evening of food and friendship with people of diverse faiths at an event sponsored by my Turkish Muslim friends.  Additionally, they honored me with the opportunity to speak about our growing friendship.  Each of us represented very different faiths--faiths that often contradict one another and present very different views of God, sin, redemption, heaven and hell.  And yet there were were; Episcopal and Catholic priests, Jewish Rabbis, Muslim Imams, and a few Baptist pastors from the network of churches I serve, eating and learning together.

I've been asked before why I participate in these kinds of events.  Is it because I believe that ultimately, we are all the same?  Do I believe that ultimately, we all worship the same god?  

The answer to that question is a resounding "no."  

And I state that clearly every time I'm given the opportunity to speak to my friends who adhere to other faiths.  I believe God has ultimately revealed Himself in the person of Jesus Christ.  I believe Jesus' bloody death and bodily resurrection is the only avenue to having your sins forgiven.  I believe repentance from sin and toward Jesus, and faith alone in HIS finished work is the only way to a relationship with God.  And because I believe this, and because I love my friends, I spend time with them.

But I also spend time at events like this for another reason:  because we must model for the rest of the world what "tolerance" really looks like!

The term "tolerance" has had so many definitions applied to it over the past few years that the word itself has nearly been emptied of all significant meaning.  In the mainstream media, the term is largely used as a weapon against anyone who disagrees with the prevailing views of the day.  In short, to be "tolerant" you must agree with the majority, and if you don''t, then you are "intolerant."  Pot, meet kettle!

Another way this term has been abused is by assuming that all ideas and beliefs are of equal value, and that no particular belief or worldview can possibly be superior to another.  Practically, this approach to tolerance results in talking about what we hold in common while completely ignoring our deep differences.  The problem with this view of tolerance is that those who practice it can, at best, only develop "surface level" relationships with those of other faiths.  This view of tolerance never leads to deep friendships, because the deepest and most meaningful parts of who we are--our most cherished beliefs about God and redemption--are never discussed.  

Truth is, I've never met a Muslim Imam who believes I can go to heaven as long as I continue to believe that Jesus is God, and I've never met a Bible-believing pastor who believes my Muslim friends can go to heaven unless they believe He is God!  We have to find ways to talk openly and honestly about these differences--and why we hold them--in order to promote genuine peace among each other.  How can you have a genuine, respectful relationship with anyone if you don't understand why they believe what they believe?  My friend Bob Roberts says it best: "Multifaith not only respects but encourages religious people to say exactly what they believe, no matter how stark the differences.  But it encourages them to do so in the spirit of peace."

This is the kind of environment in which we can understand each other better, and share our faith openly, and it should exist on every square inch of planet earth!

Which brings me to the subject that prompted this post.  For some time now, Pastor Saeed Abedini, an Iranian-born American citizen, has been confined in an Iranian prison for preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ in that country.  According to an article in Baptist Press released yesterday, he has been told by Iranian authorities, "Deny your faith in Jesus Christ and return to Islam or else you will not be released from prison.  We will make sure you are kept here even after your 8 year sentence is finished."

Such is the epitome of "intolerance," and in practice, it really doesn't look much different from the "tolerance" that we see in our own land.  No, we aren't threatening to imprison people for what they believe (although you don't have to go back too far in our history to witness the drowning of women suspected of witchcraft), and we aren't denying anyone medical treatment because they hold to a minority opinion.  But no one can argue that we have become a nation quick to prejudge others based on their religious beliefs.  Those who oppose the legalization of same-sex marriage are simply labeled "bigots."  Muslims denied a building permit are assumed to be "terrorists in hiding."  Some days, I think we would actually imprison people for their beliefs, if only it weren't for that pesky Constitution!  

And, I think that says something indicting about our culture.  

We are, in reality, far from being a tolerant people.  Most of the "tolerance" we observe in our culture isn't really tolerance at all.  Its intellectual cowardice.  Albeit, its of a different variety--and thankfully, a far less violent variety-- than that of an Iranian government that locks up minority opinion, but both are examples of what people will do when they are simply too afraid to talk to each other.

Last Thursday evening, I shared a table with a Methodist pastor, a Catholic priest, an Episcopal priest, a Jewish rabbi, and a Muslim engineer.  And I did it because meetings like this are the starting point for genuine religious freedom to continue.

I did it because I believe Jews should be free to build a synagogue in my South Carolina hometown.  I did it because I believe Muslims should be free to build a mosque near "ground zero" in New York.  And I did it because I believe I should be free to plant a Christian church in Istanbul, or Cairo, or Tel Aviv, or Tehran.  And, I believe Pastor Saeed should be free to do the same.

But we will never get there until we drop the "tolerance" charade and start talking to each other!

So What's It Like to Minister Here? Ask a Pastor's Wife!

If you want to know theology, ask a Pastor.  If you want to know culture, ask a pastor's wife!

While that mantra may not be universally true, in a general sense, wives tend to walk in culture, and closer to culture, than most of their pastor husbands.  Principally, this is because while the pastor is busy with church meetings, planning, conflict mediation, sermon preparation, and other things aimed at the "inside" of a church, his wife is shopping in the supermarkets, attending PTA meetings, and possibly working a job herself in the city.

One of the things we have learned in our area is the need for recognizing how people live, and seeking to understand their lifestyles if we hope to connect with them in any meaningful way.  You simply cannot minister effectively to someone you don't understand.  You don't have to agree with their lifestyle choices or worldviews in order to serve them, but you do have to understand where they are coming from.

A couple of months ago, as part of a leadership development process with select pastors and their wives from this Association, the wives were asked to develop a profile of what it is like to be in ministry in the Baltimore-Washington, D.C. area   What is below is the result of 13 of these women coming together and seeking to communicate both the perils and possibilities of serving the precious people in this part of the world.  If you are contemplating ministry, or especially church planting in this area, you should benefit from the collective wisdom of many godly women, who share their perceptions with you below.

And if you live elsewhere, I strongly recommend writing a similar profile of the cultural landscape where you live, along with a colorful description of what ministry is like in that area.  And I know of no one more qualified to speak to these issues than the pastor's wife.  I thank God for these women, and their heart for Jesus and this area.  Learn from them:

Profile of Ministry in Mid-Atlantic Culture and the Baltimore-Washington, D.C. area*

Our settings range from the most challenging corners of inner-city Baltimore (arguably the murder capitol of the United States) to rural Pennsylvania. 

Though the population is dense, isolation is common and even cultural to some degree.  People do not just drop by someone’s home.  Unexpected guests are very uncommon.  Neighbors often know very little about one another. 

The entire area is a “bedroom community” for individuals who work in Baltimore and Washington DC.  Due to this nearby power base, the opportunity for influence is huge.  Much of what takes place here is politically-charged.   People commute up to 2.5 hours one-way to work in the District.  Obviously, this has negative affects on the family.

Life is fast-paced.  Traffic is congested.  Everyone is too busy and this is never-ending.  Long commute times and high-stress jobs add to the mindset.  People are incredibly career-oriented.  Education is an idol.  A high percentage of the populace has obtained a post-graduate degree.  (30% have a Master’s degree or higher).  High pressure is placed on students from Middle School forward.  Church attendance is not even on the radar of most people due to Sunday being their only opportunity for recreation.  As a result, a large number of events (5Ks, Soccer & Lacrosse Matches, Community Festivals, and even children’s birthday parties) are held during the same time that church services are going on.

Many consider themselves to be more cosmopolitan than most.  There is pride in secularism and liberalism.  (We are one of the first states to legalize same-gender marriage.  There is great pride in this.) Social open-mindedness is an attribute, even in the mind of many churchgoers.   There is a culture of nominal religion that is often identified as Christianity, but it is not evangelical. (Two largest groups are Catholic and Seventh-Day Adventist.)

Diversity exists across many aspects of life.   A large portion of the population are transplants.  There are roughly 60 languages spoken here.  We have a true melting pot of culture, standards, worldview, family makeup, socio-economic status, and gender identity. ( A medical form commonly has 3 options for gender:  Male, Female, or Other).  Political correctness is a high priority.

Many churches are facing the realities of a surrounding community that has changed drastically in recent years.  Biblical illiteracy and immaturity in older believers is a problem.  In many cases, discipleship seems to have been greatly lacking for many years. 

There seem to be two primary groups of people  that we are trying to reach.

1-Incredibly wealthy, highly educated.    These people feel that they have it all together.  There are no felt-needs.  They have the money (or the debt potential) to buy most things that will make them “happy”.  Because of their lack of physical need, it is difficult to make them consider spiritual need. 

2-Poor, struggling, toughened.  These people are determined to be self-sufficient.  They do not want or need anyone’s help.  There is incredible brokenness.  It is difficult to build trust.  Poverty, homelessness, drug addiction, prostitution, murder, alcoholism & violence are the norm.  They live this or witness it on a daily basis.  Most mothers in the city are single mothers.  There is a rawness to their need, though they wouldn’t admit it.  This group is particularly emotionally draining on a ministry family.  The weight of the brokenness and spiritual darkness is a heavy burden.  One of our younger churches has an annual prayer walk, visiting all of the sites where a church family has lost a friend or loved one to murder in the previous year.  Building a church in this region can be difficult as “redemption and lift” takes place.  People living in this hard place who come to faith in Jesus often end up building a better life for themselves (free of addiction, etc.) and then moving away to a safer area.

With both groups, the ground is hard to plow.  For many, the concept of church revolves around Catholicism.  God is not personal, and He couldn’t care less about them or their problems.

Evangelical Christians are in great minority and often not trusted due to misunderstanding.  The secular, humanistic mindset that exists here can be shocking to someone unfamiliar with it.   The hectic , high-stress pace often causes people to be rude and impatient.  But, when one of these people surrenders to Jesus, the ramifications are far-reaching.  Who knows when one of our churches might influence the next senator, cabinet member, or even president for the sake of the Gospel?

*This profile was assembled in February 2013 by 13 Pastor’s wives who live and minister with their husbands in our area.

Laying Waste to "Time-Wasters."

While I don't normally write about the specifics of administrative matters, I want to talk a bit this week about making the most of a busy schedule.  More particularly, I want to address that co-worker, parishioner, or small group member who seems to do nothing more than waste your time.

It sounds heartless I know.  But its reality.  I'm responsible for an organization that collaborates with more than 60 churches in the Baltimore-Washington area.  More than 10,000 evangelical Christians worship in those churches every Sunday.  I have to keep this Association moving in the right direction, and I can't do it if I grant every meeting requested, or if I spend all my time responding and reacting to others' requests instead of being a proactive leader.  And if you lead in any capacity, this is true of you as well.  

You simply cannot allow your time--possibly the most precious commodity you have to give--to be stolen by people and events that will keep you from doing what you know God has called you to do.  It may seem cold, but the fact is that the world is full of time-wasters--people who will suck the life out of you, and the effectiveness out of your work, or your ministry.  When you allow that to happen, everyone you serve suffers for it.  Conversely, when you refuse to give in, it may seem at first like the time-waster is suffering.  But in reality, maybe he or she will learn as lesson as well.

In my experience, there are three predominant types of time wasters:

The Clueless:  These tend to be the most innocent of the bunch, mostly because they never seem able to nail down a specific purpose for wanting your attention.  "I need to have a meeting with you," is their very simple and typical approach.  When you ask them what they want to address, the best they can usually come up with is something general.  "Oh, I just want to talk with you about what's happening in my ministry."  Usually, its less specific than this, which means when you finally meet, you will likely talk about nothing substantive.

While you may think yourself compassionate for enabling their ambiguity, the reality is that by granting said meeting, you are feeding the myth that your mere presence and casual conversation will actually accomplish something for this person.

Be forewarned:  Once you start to draw tighter lines around when you grant a meeting, the clueless will be offended.  Usually, this is due to their perception that you are there to "be their friend." Truth is, I have many friends in the organization I work for.  But I'm not paid for my friendship.  I'm paid to run the organization, and this same principle is true regardless of your field of employment.  Don't fall prey to the clueless time-waster.  Instead, keep on course with what you are called to do.  And in the process, you might help them more than you or they realize--mostly by helping them get a clue.

The Unmotivated:  I've had many coaching relationships over the years.  Most I look back on with fondness and thankfulness.  But a few I simply look back on in frustration, because they did not use MY time wisely.

I remember one young man who would ask to meet with me every couple of weeks.  We mapped out a "life plan" for his twenties that included the completion of his wedding plans with his fiance, eliminating his student loan debt, buying a home, and securing a church family for he and his new bride.  A year later, he had accomplished precisely none of this, yet still wanted to meet with me to "talk about the plan."

Unmotivated people are in many ways like Bob Wiley from the movie "What About Bob?"  As portrayed by Bill Murray, Wiley was an agoraphobic and hypochondriac who never left his home--except to see his therapist!  For Bob Wiley, the therapist visit WAS the end game!  He never intended to improve his own life or get better.  As a result, he brought his therapists down with him.

Don't let the guy from "What About Bob" steal your time.  If there is no forward progress, stop taking meetings with them!

The Anthropocentric:  For most of human history we believed that we lived in a "geocentric" universe, where the Earth was at the center, and everything revolved around it.  Then the 17th century came along and with it, the Copernican revolution.  Because of our observations of space, we now know that we live in a "heliocentric" solar system, with the Sun at the center, and the Earth being merely one of nine planets that revolve around it.

The universe is a big place, and the earth now has more than 7 billion people on it.  And occasionally, you will meet someone in your work or ministry who thinks all those people revolve around them--including you!  This is the anthropocentric time-waster.

This is the caustic, self-centered individual who expects you to drop whatever you are doing whenever he or she calls.  My work load includes roughly 150 emails daily (those are just the ones that make it past my staff, who get hundreds more!), many, many phone conversations, and a professional calendar that tends to stay booked solid at least two weeks out.  If I abandon the routine that allows me to address all of this simply because of the demands of one person, I'm not being fair to others in our network.

This is the person who doesn't blink when you tell them "I'm unavailable at that time."  Its the person who responds to your list of availability with an "alternate" choice you haven't given them.

Anthropocentric time-wasters get you off track, and off mission, primarily by their constant demands for you to compromise your schedule, and constantly react to others as opposed to being intentional about moving forward and doing your job.  Don't let these people hijack your life.

I'm sure there are other categories of time-wasters that could be given here, but the three above broadly describe the various kinds of people you will encounter who can get you off track.  Once you have identified them, how do you deal with them?

Principle 1:  Written confirmation of meetings and their purpose.  Don't ever, ever set a meeting with someone without confirming what it is you hope to accomplish.  Agree together on the agenda and goals, and do it in writing!

Principle 2: Expectations as to meeting outcomes. This is simple mutual accountability.  At the end of every staff meeting, those who work for me take away assignments, and so does their boss!  We all walk away knowing there is an expectation on each of us that those assignments will be completed before our next meeting.  

To be a good steward of time, you can't just know what you want to get done during the meeting.  You must also know what actions are expected to be generated as a result of the meeting.

Principle 3:  Refusal of subsequent meetings until prior commitments have been met.  Don't let Bob Wiley get away with coming to you over and over again while he accomplishes nothing.  If after a limited number of times together, it appears the other party is intentionally spinning their wheels, turn them loose in the ditch!  Just because they have no desire to get out of it doesn't mean you must be stuck there with them.

This doesn't mean that you don't leave the door open for them to come back.  But it does mean you are putting expectations on them BEFORE they can come back.  Several times in response to requesting a meeting I have asked "Have you accomplished X and Y since we last met?"  If the answer is no, then my response is simple.  "Well, once you get that accomplished, give my office a call and I'll be glad to meet with you about the next steps."

Principle 4:  Don't let it get to you.  Ever been pulled over by a police officer?  I have, and I don't remember a single time when that officer threw himself across the hood of my car in a fit of emotion, or yelled at me, or abused me in any way simply because I was breaking the speed limit.  In every situation, he calmly walked up to my window with his ticket book opened, and asked for my drivers license.

Why?  Because in those situations, the officer had the authority and power.  And when you have authority and power, you don't need to spend your emotions.

Developing a habit to saying "no" to time-wasters so you can say "yes" more often to the organization as a whole will inevitably tick some people off.  They will be annoyed with you.  Some will get upset with you.  In those moments when the nasty emails come accusing you of "not thinking I'm important," don't give in to the guilt trip.  And a sure-fire way to know if you have given in to guilt is if you allow your emotions to get the better of you.

You have the authority over the time God has given you to steward on this earth.  You cannot cede that to people who are demanding, and you don't have to get angry or otherwise emotional with them.  Just be the officer with the ticket book.  Don't be afraid to calmly say "I'm unavailable"  or "we can't meet until you have......" or "we need to clarify our purpose for getting together."

I work primarily with pastors, and though I love them, pastors are the worst at allowing others to hijack the time God has given them.  Of course there are emergencies, and when those emergencies happen, you respond to your people with the pastoral care and concern that they need.  But you also need to know how to define "emergency."  Many pastors have no clue, and as a result, fall prey to the time-wasters, who subsequently restrain them from serving the entire church well.  Your church does not revolve around the most demanding congregants.  It revolves around Jesus.  Make sure you behave accordingly, and you will model Christ-centered time management for your people.

What about you?  Who are the "time-wasters" in your professional life that you have to watch out for, and how are you ensuring that you aren't allowing them to divert your attention and turn you into a time-waster too?

Can Complementarian Fathers Raise Strong Women? What I'm Teaching My Daughter

I believe the Scriptures teach that in the marriage relationship, wives should submit themselves to the leadership of their husbands, as husbands conversely love their wives by ultimately sacrificing their lives for their brides.  That isn't limited to being willing to die for her.  It also includes living for her exclusively, and giving of yourself without thought.  

The cultural description for this position is called complementarianism, and it is the belief that while men and women are essentially equal image bearers of God, they bear functional distinctions that complement each other.  The theological term for this concept is "male headship," and even in many evangelical Christian circles, its about as popular as a Philly steak-laden belch in a crowded elevator.

I won't belabor the Biblical and theological rationale for the classical complementarian position in this post (I've already done that here, for those who are interested.)  Instead, I want to address concerns I've heard lately that ask what kind of women emerge from homes that follow this philosophy of marriage and family.  Many have implied, and a few more have explicitly stated that male headship teaches women to be "weak."

Well, as the father of a soon-to-be 4 year old daughter, I certainly don't have all the answers.  Truth be told, having a daughter has raised many more questions than I had prior to her arrival in our family!  Furthermore, I acknowledge that I can't ultimately control the outcomes of my children's lives.  They will all ultimately make their own decisions.  But this doesn't relieve me of my responsibility as a dad to raise them in the fear of the Lord, nor does it justify abdication of setting goals for what I want to help my children accomplish.  

I also admit that for far too many, "headship" is ill-defined as something that benefits dad, and it sometimes takes the form of Dad being a drill-sergeant to the whole family.  Those guys aren't leaders.  They are jerks.  And they aren't practicing Biblical headship.  Instead, they are practicing a form of chauvinistic, gender-specified fascism.  Men, if the way you lead your home makes you more comfortable and your family less secure, whatever you are practicing isn't what the Scriptures call "headship."

So, what is the profile of a young woman raised in a complementarian home?  Well, I'm going to do my best to see the following realized in my little girl.

1. I will teach her to love Jesus.  This is the most important decision any of my children can make.  I want my daughter exposed frequently to the message that she, like the rest of humanity, is fallen in her sin and in desperate need of a Savior.  I want her to learn how to share her faith, and how to present the Gospel above the fray of "comparative religions" so that Jesus is truly seen as being offered to the whole world.

2. I will teach her to be well-read and globally aware.  I want her to be able to have intelligent discussions relative to science, politics, technology, culture, and faith.  And when I say "intelligent discussions," I mean the sort of invigorating talk that will cause her to react with a yawn to tired "talking heads" on TV, or to the over-simplified arguments that are so often given in our current culture-war environment.  I want her to know how the world works--not just our country, but the world!  I want her to be comfortable having discussions about global issues with anyone on the globe! And, I want to instill a compassion in her that will serve as a "pilot light" to ignite the knowledge she gains into action that will serve others in the name of Jesus.

I want her to be comfortable living anywhere in the world, and competent with the cross-cultural skills that should befit any young person whose prime of life will span the mid-21st century.  Most importantly, I want her to develop a genuine love for people of every nation, tongue and tribe.  I want her to have fun exploring the world God created and the people He placed in it.

3. I will teach her to fight.  Unfortunately, we live in a world where too many young men are emerging as barbarians who have no idea how to treat a woman.  Everything from over-sexualized commercials to the trafficking and sex trade itself betrays that even full-blown, tolerant egalitarianism can't wipe away the propensity of some men to treat women like a commodity.  

To be sure, I have no problem being her protector, and in the event that her safety is threatened by said meat-heads, I would have no problem using my own bare hands to pound them into a bloody pulp to the greater glory of God and the joy of all mankind.  But since I'm realistic enough to know that I won't always be there, I intend to teach my princess how to defend herself.  If she needs training that can't be provided by her old man, we will send her to classes.  But at the end of the day, I want my young lady to know how to completely and permanently wash out a guy's kneecap, as well as how to be disabling with a groin shot or pepper spray, and if absolutely necessary, lethally accurate with a 9mm.  

I want her to cherish peace, and stay away from trouble if she is able.  But when confronted with a threat to her safety or the safety of weaker people with her, I want her to be able to take care of business. (and for what it's worth, she's already proving at 3 to have the spunk to do it. Just ask her two older brothers!)

4. I will teach her self-awareness.  I want her to discover how God has gifted her, and help her develop and use those gifts for His glory.  Through everything from choosing hobbies to determining how she will educate herself, I want her to know beyond a doubt who God has created her to be, and I want her to live out the purpose for why she was placed on this planet at this time in history.  

Her mother and I are keenly aware of her "life story" from the time she was born until the moment we met her at a hotel in Guangzhou, China.  There is no doubt in our minds that God gave her to us for the purpose of raising her up for great things.  So, she will need to learn what she is good at, and what she isn't good at.  She will need to learn how to check her own gut, and make sound judgement calls based on Scriptural principles applied to her own self-awareness.  Whatever she decides to do professionally will be greatly enhanced if she does it with a keen sense of self-awareness.

5. I will teach her discernment when it comes to boys.  In some sense, she is in the worst possible environment for meeting boys.  As a pastor's daughter, she will no doubt meet a lot of meat-heads who can fake it really well and talk about Jesus in a way that is so convincing that it seems they actually know Him personally.  But there is a huge, HUGE difference between men of God and "church boys."  And I intend to teach her the difference.

It is unfortunate that in so many churches, young men are allowed and almost blessed to remain immature, unemployed, uneducated, irresponsible, and generally ambivalent about anything in life except their latest high score in World of Warcraft or Halo.  Additionally, many young men are highly capable of employing "church language" to fool a gal into thinking that they are sincere in their walk with Jesus, when in reality they just sincerely want to take advantage of the girl.  

Regrettably, the church--the one environment where strong men should be ever present and ready to help young bucks with their needed cranial-rectal extractions--is often the place perceived to be filled with women and weak men.  And the result in too many churches can be a minefield of spiritual sounding 30-year-old adolescents who don't have their own act together and are consequently in no way qualified to marry--which means they have no business dating!  As blunt and crass as it may sound, most "Christian" young men are absolutely and completely full of crap.

Fortunately, my little girl has a daddy who was once one of those young men.  I know them well because, well, I WAS one of them.  Thankfully, I had strong men who taught me Sunday School and walked with me in life in my church, which helped me more quickly cross over the bridge of authenticity from "church boy" to "man of God."  I honestly don't know where I would be today without men like Markley Edwards and Bill Merritt, who were straight and frank with me about what God expects from young men who belong to Him.

By the time she is ready to date young men, I want her "Bull meter" to be hyper-sensitive, because I don't want my young lady married to a loser she has to support one day because he is too busy still being an adolescent idiot.  And in the event that said adolescents try to force something on my little girl: well, see # 3 above.  :)

6. I will teach her to have a healthy self-image not defined by men, or by women's magazines aimed at men.  The percentage of young ladies today obsessed with their body image is astronomical, and sad.  So called "women's" magazines--which in reality are no more than rags teaching females how to be everything desired by a middle-aged boy who can shave--simply enhance this crisis of ladies who are implicitly told to interpret the whole of their existence though she shape of their bodies and the aggressive expression of their sexuality.

My little girl knows Dad thinks she is beautiful, and she always will.  But there is something else I think fathers should teach their daughters that is far more important; that GOD thinks they are beautiful just as they are.  As such, no one else's opinion matters.  If they disagree, then they are simply wrong.  From our Creator originates all things, including the base definition of "beauty."  In light of His all-expansive, multi-ethnic, expression of the concept through a myriad of body types, hair colors, and cultural fashion expressions all around the world, a nearly naked, borderline anorexic Victoria's Secret model shouldn't be seen as the "ideal."  If anything, that picture should be beneath our little girls.  And any boys who see that picture as the ideal should be beneath them as well.

Our daughters should have a healthy image of themselves as truly beautiful, and they should be given the creativity within Biblical boundaries of modesty to express that beauty in a way that enhances this healthy self-image.  Furthermore, she should never, ever change her appearance merely to satisfy a male suitor.

7. I will teach her how to be a voice of wisdom.  Though I don't believe God placed the burden of ultimate responsibility on women in the home or the church, I also reject the idea that male headship means that a woman's voice isn't to be highly valued.  I don't want my daughter bearing burdens God never intended her to bear.  But I do want her to be a meaningful contributor, and valued ministry partner with those who are charged with that burden.

I can't count the times I've been "saved" by no more than a gentle touch of my arm by my wife, who pulls me back from the edge, and speaks great wisdom by giving me a broader perspective I did not previously have.  Honestly, the Association of churches I serve has been spared plenty by my hand because I have a godly wife who headed my stupid ideas off at the pass!  (And I'm not the only one who realizes this.  See Ed Litton's post here.)

I want my daughter to be a voice of wisdom like her mother, and I want her to use that voice frequently, whether it is a work, or at church benefiting her pastor, or at home benefiting her husband if indeed God grants her a spouse.

8. I will teach her that she doesn't "need" a man.  Too many women are encouraged to find the lion's share of their future as beginning on their wedding day.  To be sure, its a big day, and certainly a major milestone that should last a lifetime.  But there is a previous step to this vision that is all-too-often missed in many Christian homes:  If she doesn't know herself, and isn't confident in herself, marriage won't fix the problem.  It will make it worse.

I recently met a new leader at one of our churches.  She is my age, gainfully employed as a professional, confident in her role and calling, and has never been married.  She isn't some rabid feminist with a chip on her shoulder, and she isn't bitter toward men.  She simply learned who she was in Christ, and accepts that she can fulfill that role faithfully without a husband.  And she is right!

It is true that most women will get married, and most will want to get married.  That's OK.  At the same time, our daughters should be taught that they don't "need" to get married--at least not in the same way that they need food, shelter and clothing.  Our daughters have a greater daddy than us in their Heavenly Father.  If they are Christian, they have a husband in His Son, and they have a protector/provider/empowering affirming presence in His Holy Spirit.  I want my little girl to know that she is already complete, and doesn't need a spouse to be complete.  

If God grants her a husband, then that is a wonderful thing that she should cherish, and in that event, fairy-tale day dreams about the wedding day are fine. If however, she ends up like Lottie Moon; well, she will be in good company!  (for those who know Miss Moon's story, it should not surprise you that I would find Crawford Howell Toy to be a wholly unacceptable son-in-law!)

9. I will teach her that men who can accept all of the above might...might be worthy of her submission.  Simply put, I will teach my daughter that men who are too weak to lead a strong woman--men who are intimidated by strong women--aren't fit to be husbands.  Typically, these kinds of men manifest in one of two ways: they are either the obvious "wimp" who never makes a decision and leads the way, or he becomes a "dictator" in his own home; overpowering the voice of his wife by intimidating her because, deep down, he is afraid to admit that sometimes, she might be smarter than he is!  I believe that wives should submit themselves to the leadership of their husbands.  I also believe that women who want to become wives should choose carefully to whom they will submit.

Candidly, this is the point where mate selection breaks down almost irrevocably in our culture.  Cultural pressures encourage young women to try and get the guy with the prettiest eyes, the best hair, or the hottest car.  Books and movies marketed to teen girls enable such surface-level criteria for establishing a long-lasting relationship.  I won't keep my daughter from those movies.  I'd much rather see her roll her eyes in disgust after seeing one.  But the only way that will happen is if Dad teaches her how to think critically and deeply about the kinds of relationships she develops.  If you can't see yourself ever trusting the leadership of a particular young man, then you shouldn't marry him.  And if you aren't going to marry him, then you have no business dating him!

10. I will teach her that it is up to her.  From a purely statistical standpoint, there is a 90% chance that one day, my role as provider and protector of my daughter will come to an end on her wedding day.  More than likely, sometime within the next two decades I will escort her down an aisle, and give her to another man.  In that moment, she will become his responsibility.  In the meantime, I can give advice and counsel.  I can offer my blessing on her relationships when I believe they are wise.  And, I can warn her when I perceive her to be going down the wrong road.  But ultimately, it is up to her to decide who she marries.  Ultimately, it is up to her whether she gets married.

Additionally, her own life decisions regarding education, career, and calling require the guidance of two parents who love her very much.  Yes, my wife and I want a complementarian daughter.  No, we do not want to raise a "doormat."  We want to raise a strong woman.  And by God's grace, and especially within the gender framework we believe He has designed, we believe we can.

The Future of Pastoral Ministry: Are we Really Up to This?

I spent this morning with a colleague working on the contours of a potential Doctor of Ministry program for Maryland pastors, and among other things, we discussed the future of pastoral ministry.  For a few semesters, I've had the honor of teaching Pastoral Theology at a local seminary,and one of the units we cover relates to the task of leadership in emerging culture.  As an introduction to this unit, I give the students a description of what the world will look like in the not-too-distant future.  We look at shifts that are coming in the area of population, family dynamics, medicine, sexuality, environmental concerns, technology and religion, and then discuss how these shifts should affect the way we lead churches to make disciples in the future.

Once during this presentation, I had a young man come up to me after class and say "wow!  I'm not sure I'm ready for this!"

How about you?  Are you ready for ministry in the 21st century?  What follows are nine scenarios that WILL take place in most churches within the next 20 years.  It is likely that many of these have already taken place, and if pastors are going to lead well, and in a way that honors Jesus, they need to be ready for how to minister among the following:

Scenario One:  A pastor is called to a church with the expectation that he will "help us reach the young families."  Problem is, everyone in the church is over the age of 60, and more than 50% of the community within 10 minutes of the church is also in that age range.  

By 2030, it is estimated that more than half of the U.S. population will be over the age of 50.  This "graying" of America is presently going almost completely unnoticed by most churches, who tend to go after the prized "young families with children" category.  Yet 80% of those over 50 live in a multi-housing situation ("55 and older" apartments, duplex communities, retirement and assisted living communities), and 98% of all multi-housing residents are without a relationship to Jesus.  Are you keeping pace with the generational shifts that are taking place around your church, and how your church should respond to those shifts?  In the future, if you really want to penetrate your community, chances are you won't be reaching that many "young people."  Are you thinking through how this affects programming, staffing, facility usage?

Scenario Two:  Multiple families visit the church who do not speak English, politely nod and smile, and never return. 

 By 2025, Hispanics will outnumber African Americans by 3 to 2, and will comprise approximately 40% of the U.S. population.  Over a decade ago, Oscar Romo noted that America, "hardly the 'melting pot' described by history texts, has become a land marked more by diversity than homogeneity."  In no area is this fact more clear than in the area of language.  A guest speaker at our Association's annual meeting three years ago told me that he walked into one of our malls, ate lunch, and walked back to his car, and never during that time heard anyone speaking English.  I responded by saying "welcome to central Maryland!"  And this dynamic is eventually coming to nearly every part of the United States!  

Is there an unreached pocket of people in your area for whom language is a barrier.  God doesn't intend for linguistics to be a stumbling block to the cross.  Are you capable of helping raise up ministries to help people from other nations who speak other languages to more easily assimilate?  Conversely, are you willing to greet them in their own language and make them feel welcome?

Scenario Three:  A married homosexual couple with three adopted children visit your church.  

This is one of those issues when if you are a pastor, you need to go ahead and check all your political arguments at the door.  What we believe society should or shouldn't do in this situation is of absolutely no consequence, because they are doing it anyway!  The fact is that homosexual marriage is, well, a fact.  Its true here in Maryland, in six other states, and is likely to be true nationwide in a very short time.  Truth is, we live in a nation and culture in which our understanding of marriage has been devolving for decades.  

Now that this is a reality, how will we minister to the parents and their children?  How should our children's departments be equipped to minister to the kids?  How are you equipping other couples in your church to interact with and minister to these precious souls? How can you uphold clear Biblical standards in love?  How will you help these parents and their children navigate what it means to follow Jesus, and what implications that decision may have on family dynamics?  Are you ready to admit that you don't even have all the answers to these questions, and walk slowly and in love with those who seek your counsel?

Scenario Four:  A young person who has visited your church for a while repents of her sin and receives Jesus as Lord and Savior.  As you prepare for her baptism, you discover through her testimony that she was born male, but had gender-reassignment surgery a few years ago.  

Scripture has no category for an "androgynous Christian."  There are Christian men, and Christian women, and the discipleship models spelled out for us in the New Testament tend to be described in conjunction with one's gender.  Sometimes the church argues forcefully over the appropriate "role" of men and women in the life of the church.  But regardless of what you believe on that issue, we can agree on this:  The reason the argument is sometimes so intense is that we all recognize that gender identity matters! 

Therefore, in a situation like this, you have someone created in God's image and likeness who has become a follower of Jesus, and how must now be discipled in accordance with her/his gender identity.  Are you prepared for the Biblical, moral, psychological and bioethics questions that will necessarily be part of that conversation?

Scenario Five:   More and more people, it seems, are asking you to perform funeral ceremonies for their pets.  You have noticed over time that the grieving process for a family losing a pet, as well as the elements of the funeral itself (pictures, memorials, poems, etc.) indicate a much greater value on animals than in the past.  

We are already witnessing attitudes in our culture that betray a gravitation towards increased "equalizing" of animals and humans, and too many in the church have bought into this idea.  Are you prepared to lovingly confront the false idea that "all dogs go to heaven," and re-assert the essential distinction between human beings, who are created in God's own image and likeness, and pets, who are not?  Are you ready for the backlash that is likely to come from supposed "mature" Christians for simply asserting the Biblical truth that their pet doesn't possess an eternal soul?  Are you ready to point your people to the serious theological implications of believing otherwise? (Did Jesus really die for a DOG?  Seriously?!)

Scenario Six:  Because of growth, your church starts a "video venue," and begins live-streaming worship and sermons via the internet.  You notice that you have a growing "online" audience, many of whom log in every Sunday, and who financially support the ministry.  Through connections with these people on social media you discover that, although they may live hundreds or even thousands of miles away, they consider your church their "church home."  

Today's advanced and inexpensive technology means that churches are asking questions that would never have been considered even 20 years ago, and one of the biggest questions today has to do with the legitimacy of the so-called "internet church."  In the future, how will your church ensure that the Biblical principles and practices commensurate with a covenant community are observed in this environment?  

Are you ready for the conversations church leadership must have in the future related to how everything from church discipline to fellowship can be achieved in this context?  The most obvious pitfall of social media is that our society has never been more exposed to each other, and simultaneously, never been more alone.  How can the church be truly "counter-cultural" in this environment?  At what point should we say "no" to certain forms of technology because they threaten sound ecclesiology?

Scenario Seven:  You discover through casual conversation that a yoga class has been started by leaders in the church, that participants freely greet one another with "namaste," and that Christian meditation has been confused with the emptying of the mind that is endorsed in many Hindu communities.  

Over the past decade, there has been a huge increase in ancient pagan practices, much like those that occurred in the days of the Old Testament.  The digital age, among other things, presents opportunities for the "blending" of faiths that was unheard of even two decades ago.  In what ways should you be prepared to bifurcate for your people between what can, and cannot, be part of the life of someone who follows Jesus according to Scripture?  Are you equipped to help your people understand the difference between "form" and "meaning" when it comes to practices, so that they can separate the truly harmless from the "seemingly harmless," the latter of which has deep roots in ancient paganism?

Scenario Eight:  You receive a call from a mainline church in town.  The size of their congregation has dropped to less than 20 members. They are fearful for their future, and they ask for your help.  It is simply a statistical fact that theological liberalism kills churches.  As such, expect the mainline protestant churches in your town to continue slowly bleeding to death.  Yet, the people in those dying churches need someone to love them by ministering to their needs and reminding them of what their faith once stood for.  Are you prepared to raise up leaders who can utilize those facilities to start a second campus for your church, or start a new church altogether?  Are you now able to be friends with these people, and love them through their struggles while holding firmly to your faith?

Scenario Nine:  Parents come to you for counseling regarding their son, who has been diagnosed with multiple "generic" disorders, but doctors have been incapable of specifying the problem, and the child has been largely un-treatable by psychiatrists.  You suspect the presence of demonic activity.  

I truly believe that we will see a sharp rise in obvious demonic activity in the west, and I believe it will unfortunately be mis-diagnosed as a solely medical or psychiatric problem.  As a result, too many children will grow up expressing the personality of a psychotrophic drug unless wise and godly pastors in the west learn to recognize the presence of demonic activity, lead families past the "exorcism" nonsense of Benny Hinn and the Church of Rome, and confront it head-on with the Gospel.

Scenario Ten:  In this "brave new world," God continues to seek worshippers, and Jesus continues to save people from sin, Satan, death, and hell in miraculous ways. 

I'm sure some of what I've written above scares some readers.  I'm equally certain that some of you are angry, and for various reasons.  As lovingly as I can say it, I don't care.  What I've described above is a culture that is emerging, and that is filled with people Jesus died to save.   And it is in this environment when I hear evangelical Christians having the dumbest arguments!  

Where the Mid-Maryland Association is concerned, I want us to be ready for that world so we can be faithful to Jesus.  So many of the arguments and "controversies" we have these days  are proven in contrast to the realities above to be as ridiculous as they appear to be.

We have some pure, honest, real-world "issues" coming, and we don't have time for the cosmetic ones.  Are we prepared to stop pining for the world as we wished it was, and begin preparing to reach the world as we know it will soon be?  I hope so.